Stepping into a new chapter of life, especially after a significant transition, can feel disorienting. That life you once knew, the identity you held so dear—it might seem to vanish, leaving an emotional void behind. Whether you’re an athlete like me, whose professional playing days end, or someone navigating a major career change, a personal loss, or rejoining the workforce after a break, you might find yourself asking: how do you to rediscover yourself when the familiar ground beneath you has shifted?
I’ve lived much of my life in 2.5-second moments—step into the pocket, make a decision, boom. That same ability to think on my feet on the field has been invaluable in the boardroom, as well. But that transition was not seamless. Just like for all professional athletes, that life I measured in roaring stadiums and team locker rooms ended. I felt lost. My identity was so intertwined with being “BJ Coleman, the football player” that when I was released by the Green Bay Packers and later the Saskatchewan Roughriders, I questioned, “Who the heck am I?” This sense of loss is real, and it’s a form of grief, whether it’s public or deeply private (unfortunately for me, mine was a little bit more public!). For many, the transition signifies the end of something integral to who they thought they were. This emotional void post-identity loss, is something many people face, leaving them feeling paralyzed and confused about what comes next.
But here’s the crucial truth: The Pivot, the process of reinvention and rediscovery, doesn’t just happen to you. You make it happen. While circumstances outside your control may have brought you to this moment, you are absolutely in control of your reaction and your pivot. The path to rediscovering yourself is about active participation and consciously taking steps forward, even when you feel like you’ve been sacked.
How can you begin this self-reconnection and navigate your personal pivot? Here are some of the actionable ways to start that journey:
- Reframing Your Mindset: When faced with a difficult situation, it’s easy to get locked into negative thinking. The first step is to identify the situation clearly and acknowledge how you’re feeling. Then, list your negative thoughts and challenge them by seeking other perspectives or evidence that contradicts them. Finally, find the silver lining, no matter how small or hard to see initially, and reframe the narrative to focus on lessons learned and growth. This helps shift your perspective from victim to empowered agent.
- Discovering Your Unconscious Talents: You haven’t lost your skillset; you just get to use it in a whole new way. To tap into this, reflect on past successes—personal, academic, or professional—and identify the skills you relied on. Crucially, seek external insights from five people who know you well, asking them when they saw you at your best. Often, others notice strengths we overlook. Then, identify themes and patterns from both your self-reflection and their feedback to bring those unconscious talents to the surface. Finally, connect these talents to your pivot by asking how they can help you achieve new goals, or if you’re currently underutilizing them. The ultimate step is to create an action plan to leverage these newly discovered strengths.
- Identifying Your Grief and Moving Forward: It’s vital to acknowledge and fully feel your emotions without bottling them up. Reflect objectively on what happened, considering factors within and outside your control. Once you’ve processed this, reframe the experience by focusing on lessons learned and potential opportunities. Then, develop an action plan with short-term and long-term goals, knowing that movement, even baby steps, is essential to prevent your grief from becoming fossilized rock, keeping you chained to the past.
- Embracing the “Next Button” and Movement: After a setback, it’s natural to pause and catch your breath. This pause allows for reflection and discernment. However, movement is essential for growth. Set small, achievable goals, focusing on clarity and learning. Build a routine of progress, reconnect with your network or create a new one, and most importantly, seek and celebrate small wins. Remember, hard is not the enemy; fear is. By taking concrete steps, you build resilience and shift your focus from the setback to your development.
Ultimately, rediscovering yourself means recognizing your inherent value beyond external achievements. Success can be fleeting, tied to external validation like titles or paychecks. But value is intrinsic and enduring. My throwing arm doesn’t matter much anymore, but the leadership lessons, grit, and perseverance I gained from my journey—that’s my true value, and it comes with me everywhere. You, too, carry immense value from all your experiences, hard work, and unique scars.
The journey of rediscovery is not a quick fix. It demands courage, resilience, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. But by actively engaging in self-reflection, leveraging practical tools, and understanding that your value is unwavering, you will find your rhythm and emerge stronger, clearer, and more fulfilled than before. Your Pivot is waiting. Now, go press that next button.